What Singing Teaches Women About Becoming Well-Rounded

To sing well, we must straddle paradoxes. We must be strong enough to be vulnerable, engaged enough to be relaxed, buoyant enough to find poise. 

As a young singer/songwriter and voice student, I found singing lessons to be more therapeutic than therapy. Overcoming the particular challenges of vocalizing did not come naturally to me, so I had to throw myself deeply into them. I had to carve out my lower register like someone seeking the roots of a tree buried deep in soil. I had to smooth out the notes between my registers so they didn’t fly off like squawking birds. I had to learn how to sing or speak above the timid volume of a winding creek.

I had to become intentional about my voice, so I learned its ways intimately. As I did, I noticed the metaphorical counterparts of these lessons in my life as a whole. I became a voice coach to share the practical, concrete, and embodied wisdom of the voice with others, hoping that they might similarly discover the poetic applications of the voice in their own lives. Here are a few of the things I’ve learned that I share with all of my students.

Begin with the Breath

There is no singing without breath. Singing is, at its core, the artistic use of breath. The way that we breathe in prepares our sound, and the way we control our breath as we vocalize defines it. 

Singers must learn to take deep, diaphragmatic breaths at varying speeds. Sometimes we have the luxury of a long pause to prepare a breath; other times we’re squeezing one in between tightly knit phrases. No matter the pacing, when you breathe, your ribs should open on all sides while your shoulders stay relaxed and down. 

Once you have a deep breath of air in your lungs, your core becomes the center of control. This is what we usually mean when we use the phrase “breath support:” a decisive engagement of the abdominal muscles to provide everything from pitch accuracy to the ability to sustain long notes. 

When you make a practice of diaphragmatic breathing, you become more connected to your body and your surroundings. This sort of breathing slows you down and triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, meaning you leave “fight or flight” in favor of a restful and more mindful state.

The beauty of this is that the very sort of breathing we need for singing also helps counteract the butterflies many of us are likely to get when singing in front of other people. We can use this same tool for any other situation that might bring up nerves: a job interview, a tough conversation with a friend, or meeting a boyfriend’s parents for the first time. Like a singer, we can begin with the breath, using the air around us to find a deeper sense of groundedness and inner calm.

Make Space for Sound

One of the things that distinguishes singing from speaking is the amount of resonance it requires. Part of how we accomplish this resonance is by creating a lot of space in our throats and mouths. It can feel very vulnerable to make this amount of space because we don’t really need to in daily life otherwise.

This vulnerability is the beginning of the connection we make with others when we sing. Without it, our sound may reach our own ears, but likely no one else’s. Or, the voice that does reach them will be wobbly, uncertain, and hollow.

Unexpectedly, it’s precisely through a willingness to be vulnerable that we communicate strength, depth of emotion, and beauty with our voices. Even songs of loss and grief come from an open posture, rather than from one that’s collapsed and protective.

This refined emotional expression of the singing artist offers us insight into our own relationships. Like the singer, we can confidently share the full spectrum of our human emotions from a spaciousness that invites others in, rather than crowding them out. Through what might feel like vulnerability, we can create deeper and stronger bonds with the people in our lives.

Care for Your Instrument

As singers, we cannot set our instruments down in its case to keep it safe. We can’t hire someone to come and tune it. Wherever we go, it goes, and however we are, it is.

There are both complications and conveniences that come with this reality. One blessing is that we are never without our instrument. We can sing just as easily in the car or shower as on the stage — or maybe, even more easily!

The voice is perhaps the most personal expression of who we are, not least because our voices reflect the way we care for ourselves and betray our every emotion. Picture someone holding back tears, and the way their voice changes against their will. The voice can’t help but be honest. 

We have the opportunity to care for our instrument by eating well, getting exercise and sleep, and working out tension in our minds and bodies. While stress and burdens in our lives may affect our voices, we can also use that knowledge to our advantage, taking care of ourselves more intentionally through whatever circumstances we’re experiencing. The duty of a singer to herself is twofold: as a person and as an artist. 

Seek Beauty 

Whenever I teach these things to my students, I am struck again by their poignancy. Goals like these can feel elusive on their own, but when we study them through something as concrete as singing, we begin to recognize them everywhere. Like a tree supple enough to bend rather than snap in a storm, we can train our minds and bodies to find a path of greater beauty through our own challenges.

The power of the voice comes from its very vulnerability, from its position between buoyancy and poise. Through its lessons, we can find beauty in our heartache and connection in our pain. Whether you sing just for your steering wheel, for your babies, or for crowded theaters, I hope you discover the wisdom waiting in your own voice.

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Greta Waldon is a writer, singer/songwriter, jewelry designer, and lover of the sweet little things in life. After studying philosophy and writing at Eugene Lang in New York City she finished her BFA in music at California Institute of the Arts. She spends her days looking for fire trucks with her two boys and recently released her third album, Isle of Ferns, under the artist name Greta Ruth. She resides in the Twin Cities with her husband and sons. Find her music and jewelry on her website.