_edited.png)
Each Christmas Eve, once the last presents are wrapped and Christmas dinner is prepped, millions of families gather together to watch the number one most inspirational film of all time, according to the American Film Institute. Today, It’s a Wonderful Life is practically synonymous with Christmas and the sanctifying redemption of its protagonist, George Bailey. However, the film's real emotional anchor and leading lady, portrayed by Donna Reed, is often overlooked as being nothing more than the traditional housewife poised as yet another plot device keeping George Bailey perpetually away from seeing the world and making a name for himself.
Donna Reed’s character of Mary Bailey is a small-town girl–an eventual wife and mother whose identity and self-worth are derived from duty to her family and community rather than her own desires. Her approach is so countercultural that many have slated her character as being nothing more than a subservient woman with an archaic enslavement that she has no choice but to accept.
This is the exact lifestyle that Meghan Markle critiques in one episode of her now-cancelled Archetypes podcast, where she aims to “break down the barriers that hold women back.”
However, through the example of Mary Bailey, we find instead that the postmodern anecdotes Meghan Markle presents for “stifled womanhood” may actually be more harmful than realized, and Mary Bailey presents a powerful example for all women by embracing a Classical Femininity that is often lost in modern culture.
Episode Eight of Meghan Markle's Archetypes podcast, “Good Wife/Bad Wife, Good Mom/Bad Mom with Sophie Grégoire Trudeau,” introduces Sophie by Meghan sharing a poem she says she shared with the Canadian Prime Minister’s now ex-wife from A Radical Awakening by Dr. Shefali Tsabary. She reads:
“There comes a time in the life of a woman when the approval of others once jewels now turn to pennies in her sock. When the hunt for another is now replaced by a hunt for herself. And when parental tentacles of tradition no longer define her truth…There comes a time in the life of a woman when her desire to fit in with the crowd dissolves. When her manic compulsion to be perfect vaporizes. And when her obsession to be voted popular eviscerates…There comes a time in the life of a woman when she no longer fears conflict but faces it boldly like a lioness. When she guards her authenticity as fearlessly as she guards her babies. And when she drops the role of savior knowing she can only save herself.”
Meghan and Sophie go on to highlight the importance of women being “free in who they are” and “breaking free from what is expected,” a philosophy that is rooted in self-sufficiency and a focus on placing the self above the holistic family needs. This postmodern philosophy championed by Markle suggests that self-sacrifice in traditional family roles leads to despair and unfulfillment, and that rooting yourself in anything other than yourself is a path to destruction. Satisfaction, according to this view, can only be found in “unequivocal self-love.”
However, Mary Bailey's life tells a different story. Her “self-love” extends beyond her own wants and desires and offers a strikingly contrasting counterpoint to Meghan Markle’s argument. Despite whatever challenges Meghan Markle says she's faced—conflicts that are highly questionable and circumstantial—It’s a Wonderful Life presents the plight of the everyday woman.
Rather than the lifestyle of a Royal Duchess and a former Canadian First Lady, Mary Bailey struggles through relatable and heartbreaking conflicts, ultimately transforming them not only for her own benefit but for everyone around her. After her wedding, when her husband’s dreams finally seem to be taking off, a run on the bank during the Great Depression leads her to volunteer their honeymoon fund to keep their family business afloat. Her ingenuity then leads her to a dilapidated home in town that she lovingly transforms over the years to make her own. She volunteers with the underprivileged at the housing development started with her husband, participates in the war effort, births and raises four children, and maintains a community and home balance, culminating in the prayer and search for her husband on the brink of suicide that leads to his salvation. It’s Mary’s self-sacrifice, not her “self-love,” that ultimately brings together the iconic community choir of “Auld Lang Syne,” saving her husband’s business and giving them a new hope together.
Although some may see the trajectory of Mary Bailey’s self-sacrifice as self-effacing, ultimately her power wasn’t found in radically embracing her own desires, but rather in seeing her purpose as the bedrock of her family and community—putting them and their needs first and, in turn, reaping those rewards. Poignantly, before the climax of the movie, when George comes home after his uncle misplaced $8,000 (over $150,000 in today's conversion), she is faced with extreme unrest in her household, and it’s implied this has been the environment for some time. George barks at her and the children, kicks down his desk, yells at his daughter’s teacher and her husband over the phone, complains to his wife, and ultimately storms out the door. If she’d followed postmodern Meghan Markle’s advice, Mary would have thrown in the towel, proclaimed she deserved more, and filed for divorce. However, Mary recognized her role as a team member, protector, and wife, advocating for her husband and ultimately relying on her community for immediate help and divine intervention.
Mary’s work as a volunteer and full-time mom isn’t glamorous, but it’s not the death sentence many “Boss Babes” today may have you believe. In fact, self-actualization isn’t only found away from home. Mary understood an essential truth: the nuclear family, with its defined roles and mutual support, is not a relic but a resilient model for human flourishing. Her self-sacrifice for years was ultimately her strength, exemplifying how powerful women don’t have to be loud and assuming, as the poem Meghan Markle read outlines. Instead, feminine power is most often found in silent, steady support, creating a ripple effect throughout the family, community, and town.
Through Mary’s steady assurance, creativity, and dedication to her husband through thick and thin, she served as a foundation for transformation in the entire community. She didn’t have much—only very meager means—but by using what she had, she made a difference and proved that ultimately, she was George Bailey’s real guardian angel the entire time.
As more and more women come to watch the powerful messages in It’s a Wonderful Life each year, there is much to be inspired by beyond the timeless truth of life’s innate value. Mary’s character holds a mirror to many of the tiresome messages presented to women every day—messages that are rightly intended to bring empowerment and confidence—but are continually falling short and leading to despair and un-fulfillment. In Mary, we see the fruits of a life well lived by embracing Classical Femininity rather than an outdated stereotype of womanhood: full of stability and love that not only derives personal fulfillment but also leaves a legacy for generations to come.
Charity does indeed begin from home and you cannot give from an empty cup. Circling back to the Princess Catherine challenge, it all comes to having a strong sense of self, quiet confidence, valuing traditional family values that ultimately serve the community as a whole. Traditional values still hold true even in a dynamic existence.